Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
