if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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