She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
