He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
