I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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