I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
