I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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