I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.