I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.