Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.

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  (270): i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high. http://tfl.nu/s9x7
  Replies (25) Good night (1484) Bad night (2324)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue

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  (617): Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue http://tfl.nu/zfyk
  Replies (8) Good night (4787) Bad night (1448)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  this study room smells like vodka

  (310): View more from California

  the study room thinks the same about you

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  (573): this study room smells like vodka (310): the study room thinks the same about you http://tfl.nu/w62g
  Replies (16) Good night (6452) Bad night (1200)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am

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  (224): I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am http://tfl.nu/o84u
  Replies (4) Good night (5067) Bad night (1204)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

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  (757): It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower. http://tfl.nu/w3u9
  Replies (11) Good night (3082) Bad night (990)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.

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  (774): I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you. http://tfl.nu/ievp
  Replies (8) Good night (2057) Bad night (780)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick

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  (540): I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick http://tfl.nu/eynw
  Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (575)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.

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  (563): Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up. http://tfl.nu/xba5
  Replies (0) Good night (476) Bad night (868)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.

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  (505): I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome. http://tfl.nu/rp6m
  Replies (5) Good night (1180) Bad night (413)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.

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  (715): i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy. http://tfl.nu/dafx
  Replies (0) Good night (1057) Bad night (419)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me

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  (970): Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me http://tfl.nu/8oqe
  Replies (3) Good night (1646) Bad night (438)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick

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  (319): He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick http://tfl.nu/akxs
  Replies (6) Good night (418) Bad night (1045)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits

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  (301): I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits http://tfl.nu/pmw9
  Replies (3) Good night (324) Bad night (628)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.

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  (904): I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night. http://tfl.nu/zawb
  Replies (1) Good night (316) Bad night (590)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY

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  (423): lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY http://tfl.nu/1ywi
  Replies (0) Good night (164) Bad night (451)

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