I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize