Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
