I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
