he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
