Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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