Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
