i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
