Me. At least after what I've been through.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
