Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
