just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
