I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
