mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
