it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
