That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
