i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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