The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
