Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
