Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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