The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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