dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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