so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
