Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
