I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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