you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
