omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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