I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
