yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
