i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
