i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
