so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm too high and old for this...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
