wrigley field is MILF paradise
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
