life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it hurts more in the daytime
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
