In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
