so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
