If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were trust falling into bushes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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