I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
