Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
