How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
