This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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