Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
