thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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