It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
