All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
