he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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