Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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