I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My ATM looks so different sober.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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