In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
