he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Found the puke drawer
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Panties = found
Randomize
