Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
