I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
