new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
