Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
