awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
