wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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