I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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