oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
