Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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