Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
