hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
