Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm too high and old for this...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
