if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
