This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
