Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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