haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
