You can't motorboat a personality
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
