Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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