You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
