I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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