She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
