So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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